Creating a Shelter for Your Longings
“To become vulnerable, to experience deeply, to risk rejection and allow our souls to grow with exposure to beauty, wonder and surprise will bring us more fully to the edge of our longing for life.” James Conlon
Being With Our Longings
One of the comments I often hear about longings is, “I don’t know how to be with my longings,” or “I’m afraid to acknowledge, let alone explore my longings.” To reiterate, longings pull us towards life, those things that matter deeply to us, the things that bring meaning and direction to our lives. So why wouldn’t we want to explore them?
Over time, I’ve come to understand that there are some common reasons people hesitate to travel the longing path. The first is that looking at our longings calls for radical honesty—the kind that asks us not only to name our longing(s), but also to notice how they do or don’t show up in our lives. This level of vulnerability can evoke uncomfortable feelings we don’t know how to navigate, and it becomes easier to retreat from the longing path.
The path of our longings is rarely linear. When we do explore them, uncertainties, hopes, dreams, and disappointments are often revealed. We learn whether we're aligned with our longings or whether they feel distant or unreachable. Regardless of where we find ourselves, the ideal is to be with our longings, just as they are, and that’s not easy.
Another reason people hold back is that they’re not sure how to explore their longings. If we already feel apprehensive, being open to our longings can feel risky. We’re not likely to walk willingly into that space. The interesting thing is, even when we choose not to look at what calls to us, life has a way of reminding us. When we feel out of sync with our longings, we can grow restless, frustrated, and heavy. So, how do we create a shelter for our longings, a space that allows us to have an honest conversation with what gives our lives meaning and invites us to explore our lives beyond our familiar rhythms of living?
Welcoming Our Longings
A shelter or sanctuary offers a haven. It’s a place that welcomes rather than pressures. It protects us from the bad weather and offers a breath—a pause. This is what we want to create to be in conversation with our longings. The moment we enter our shelter, it becomes a place where we can show up unconditionally. Everything that arises belongs. There’s no judgment. No need to resolve everything at once. When we know we’re stepping into a space with those qualities, the hesitation softens.
Before offering ideas on how to create this shelter, a couple of reminders. Longings are a normal part of the human experience. Sometimes we feel a longing well before we can articulate it. Creating a shelter is not meant to pressure you into solving anything, discovering all your longings, or answering all the questions life might be asking.
Instead, it’s about giving yourself space and time to notice, learn, and simply see what shows up. The other reminder: do not allow outside influences—people, culture, expectations—to dictate your longings. This is easier said than done. It’s important to consider which longings you can own versus which are expected from others, inherited, indoctrinated, or enculturated. Longings are deeply personal. The most vital part of this is learning about your relationship with your longings. (Refer to my previous article on this theme – found on the website.)
Establish and Nurture a Shelter for Your Longings
Now, to create your shelter. Consider these ideas as starting points and build upon them at your own pace. Let it become something that truly feels like yours.
Find a space that can serve as your shelter. This might be a particular room, a corner, an outdoor space, or a trail/nature walk. Ultimately, you want to establish a space that signals it’s time to behold your longings, where, once you step in, it feels safe to explore them.
Shape it intentionally. If it's a room, you might include a candle, a meaningful picture or symbol, quiet music, things that let you know you’re safe here. If it’s a walk, perhaps there’s an object you carry, reminding you that you're entering a path where all of you is welcome.
Prepare your entry. Ready your heart. Remember that everyone has longings, and the path is often winding. Some days, things feel aligned; other days, nothing could be further from the truth. Sometimes, something needs to be released. Be honest with where you are, but know you don’t need to resolve everything now. You can’t force yourself to be somewhere you’re not. Simply noticing is enough. Sometimes the conversation with our longing is gradual, and that's okay. It might be enough to notice that you aren't where you hoped to be. The next time you're ready to enter your shelter, you may go deeper in your conversation.
Let the shelter remind you: this space is welcoming. Nothing to fear, nothing to push away. Uncomfortable feelings may show up—that’s okay. They’re welcome. You’re here to explore, discover, be curious, learn, and grow. To get to know what calls to you.
Before leaving, pause. Notice what emerged. Write it down. Draw. Capture a few words. Thank the shelter for holding you. And thank yourself for entering. Know that you can return as often as needed.
There may be times when you want someone close to you to join you in your shelter. If so, let them know what you’re hoping for and whether you simply need their presence or a sounding board.
Questions to Consider for the Shelter
What are the things that matter deeply to me? Am I paying attention to these? Do I feel aligned to these longings? Do I need to shift anything?
When do you feel most in touch with your longing? What happens to your energy when you acknowledge it? What’s one small way you already live in response to it?
Do any of my longings feel like a burden? Can I be with this situation without judging myself or having to fix anything? What would help me to notice my feelings? Is there anything I can shift to allow the burden to lift?
Do some aspects of my longings no longer feel like they're mine? Am I distracted by others’ longings or older versions of my longings?
What does this longing awaken for you? What ways of being in your life does it invite you to consider stepping into?
How might my life be different if I brought my longing into my daily life? What do I believe would be different if my longing unfolds as I hope or imagine?
When I consider pursuing my longing(s), is there anything holding me back? Without forcing anything, is there something I could shift to step into a deeper conversation with my longings?
What might this longing be asking of you, if anything?
Going Forward
Creating a shelter provides a space for bringing attention to your longings, noticing what they are and how they emerge without pressure, without urgency—only invitation. It’s a space to step into with honesty and care. To pause. To listen. To learn about your relationship with what matters most. You don’t need to arrive or leave knowing the answers. The act of entering your shelter is itself a courageous step. And if done with gentleness, it becomes less about “figuring things out,” and more about offering your longings—a part of you—a place to breathe.
Take your time. Enter when you’re ready. And remember: returning is part of the longing path.
Reference:
Conlon, James. At the Edge of Our Longing. Ottawa: Novalis, 2004.
